Monday, 22 April 2013

Till Death Do Us Part


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Whenever I see happy married couples and their ever-going-strong married life, I simply crack my head, wondering about the factors that sustain such marriages … factors that prevent the conjugal bliss from tumbling down into an abyss.

 Emotional compatibility [EC] is an ability to empathize with a partner’s emotion; level of caring, love and nurturing shown toward each partner. It is not a small matter to be brushed aside. In fact, EC is a far away moon to those partners who have no idea of the different levels of their emotional needs.

They say EC is the anchor that sustains marriages. Emotional compatible partners are like true friends, share their emotional needs and avoid cabin feelings.

 ‘Why did you hide such things from me? ‘What secrets you still have in your mind? ‘Don’t you have faith on me’, are some of the questions couples ask one another when he or she finally chooses to let out the truth lurking in her/his mind for long. This attitude of ‘not-willing to reveal untold truth’ happens only when the partners behave like strangers not having space for other’s emotional needs. Their attitude is na├»ve, for they think their only symbol of marriage is the mangalasutra the wife sporting around her neck.

 A husband or wife should be keen, look forward every opportunity to make a clean breast of untold truth lurking in their minds. A conscientious wife or husband will always feel bad if they have some grey areas hidden in his/her mind. They will come out with truth though they fear that such revealing may bring havoc to their conjugal bliss. They also know that on what ground their marriage stand and would readily spill the beans. And there lies the ‘Success Quotient’ for a happy marriage.

 Conversely, if a husband or wife starts hiding something from each other because it would create a holocaust in the home, the partners, then, are not doing anything conducive to the smooth going of their marriage. Theirs is only a fake or pretentious living. The fact that they are not truthful to each other ultimately put their married life in a furnace.

 One of my friends told his wife about the physical contact he had with a woman when he was in his late twenties. It was not a big matter for the husband to open up his mind to her. For, emboldened by the harmonious relationship he was having with his wife, he chose to share the long buried secret in his mind. However, what mattered was his wife’s response to such an honest confession. I asked her [she was very outspoken; would always call a spade a spade] about her response to her husband’s sharing with her a bitter truth—I was a bit curious. She looked through me, smiled and said:

 “Err is human. It is quite common that hormones play games with the youngsters when they are in a vulnerable age and make them to do what they don’t want to. Even exposures from media and internet add to the woes of the youngsters and make them go ashtray. That my husband had a fall in his twenties and became a bit askew then should not be taken into account for deciding his trait or character. It is his confidence in me that made him to show a black spot on his otherwise clean premarital life. The emotional attachment we have for each other did exhort him to show the chinks in his past life. It happened because he thought there should be no secrets between us. So, I accepted him as he is and my love for him grew up immensely after his confession.”

 I now saw my friend’s face gleaming, eyes reflecting the real joy of his marriage. Kudos to his wife! She understood his spouse well and her attitude and emotional levels only made him to reveal a hidden truth.

 Here no one compelled the husband, not even his wife, to let out the untold things or talk about a blunder he had committed when he was in his mid-twenties. But then, the harmonious ambiance prevailing in his home and having an understanding woman for a wife, he was able to reveal a thing that had been torturing his mind for long.

 Again, if his wife had nagged him to tell her about the things he hadn’t told her before, the husband, by every chance, would have kept mum. Successful marriages will never find couples spying on each other or trying to find holes on each other’s behavior.

As I said earlier, emotionally attached couples easily identify hurdles to their conjugal bliss and stay clear of them lest they sink their marriage boats in the ocean of misunderstanding.

 The factors that give fillip to the conjugal bliss and  make one’s married life an elixir are lying in small gestures and deportment like, husband and wife watching movies together like true friends, going to comedy shows and talking about the show and laughing together. Sometimes, holding one’s hand brings a feeling of oneness and tranquility to the other. Whenever my wife starts holding my hand, I feel like she is telling me, ‘I love you; live for you’

 These are simple secrets that go a long way in making a marriage more meaningful not a Greek tragedy.

Image courtesy: Google

  



30 comments:

  1. Thanks for your visit & comments. Happy times.

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  2. I am cent percent agreeing with you on this sir...it is very true...a couple which emotionally attached will work its hurdles out to evolve out as better partners !!
    And as you rightly mentioned, with secrets in mind , one cannot live happily for longer.. after all sharing the same roof and the same bed .. and trying to hide even past secrets becomes impossible .. better be told ...
    and a relation which has to work out will work out anyways and the one where the fear of losing exists everytime , better be lost !!!

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  3. As you say Ec plays an important part in the success of marriage. In our Indian culture the couples are somehow made to feel that they have Ec. So even if they don't have in early stages they do learn to have that compatibility.
    And that is the success of our marriage.

    Thanks for sharing a wonderful post.
    Need of the Hour Post

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  4. I think marriage can be aptly said to be "work in progress"..and emotional attachment is key to understanding each other...

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  5. Sometimes, couples who have their married life going strong don't know anything about EC. Understanding of their life partners come to them naturally. Thanks Rajee ma'am for your comments.

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  6. meaningful writing very nice article

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  7. Success of a marriage depends on how much faith each partner has on the other. Calling a spade a spade and not having skeletons in minds will make couples achieve conjugal bliss. Thanks mysay for your nice observations.

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  8. How very true, unless and until both the partners are open and free with each other, unless and until they want the marriage to work, no third person can do anything for them.

    Bhavya
    Just Another Blog

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  9. That is so very true, the concept of 'emotional capability' was an eye opener. Its just that i was wondering about love and maintaining it throughtout in my blog post and I got an answer from your post.
    The last paragraph is truly insightful, small things matter much, happiness lies in these moments.
    A very good Post! :)

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  10. Yes, I agree, good emotional understanding is a foundation for happy marriage.

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  11. Indeed, EC is the foundation.

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  12. Good article. I had written something similar on marriage on my blog. You may like it. :)

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  13. A nice article on relationship in marriage and you have very well explained about Emotional compatibility [EC]

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  14. An amazing read sir. its true Compatibility is the key factor in marriages.Only then can we sail together as a team through the ups and downs of life.

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  15. Well said Rather than matching kundli their should be EC match

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  16. Very well written article.

    Geetashree
    http://panaecea.wordpress.com

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  17. No doubt Arumugam,EC is all important in marriage.
    Good post!

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  18. I agree with you, at times people say that more than a spouse, he/she is my friend. I, now think, it comes from EC. Great article Sir. :)

    Thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece.

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  19. Very well said. EC is very important for a successful marriage.

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  20. Wonderful article, Eashwar. The pointers are indeed important for a successful marriage.

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  21. I have nominated you for liebster blog award. Please see my blog, thanx :)

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  22. I loved the fact that you have put the essence of marriage so easily in this post ... it's my anniversary today and i think what has made it good so far .. is talking to each other to understand what the other one thinks ...

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  23. Very well said Sir. Understanding each other is very much important and the idea of EC is awesome. Hope that all people can read your post and can live a happy and peaceful life.

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  24. the real troublesome question is when you are entering into a marriage knowing that you do not love that person at all and your heart still belongs to your past, and also you have no escape from this doomed marriage..

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  25. This is a brilliant post that brings out the uniqueness of trust in a conjugal relationship. You advocate the need for married people to open up to each other so that there is only love based on honest feelings. A great job Easwar.

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  26. Nice to read your post.I agree that understanding to each other is most important in marriage life.wonderful article.

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  27. Well said. Very thoughtful and insightful post. I'm going to reblog this on my divorceddoodling blog. I'm writing a new series of posts about how to prevent divorce and this fits right in.
    Beautiful Easwar.

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