Sunday, 5 May 2013

Children Not Our Own


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 “You may give children your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”- Kahlil Gibran

 What a prophecy and how clairvoyant is Gibran! For, today’s youth have their own anarchy of dreams and fantasies, which defy comprehension. Regrettably, they have lost their ideals and gone far away from their moorings pursuing the mirage of their own make-believe thoughts and perceptions. Mesmerized by some bad movies and, growing in a no-holds-barred, ultra-tech world which preaches a neo-culture, the twenty-first century youth grows like shrubs in the wilderness not wanting others to tend their growth.

 Recently, two eight-year-old boys in Chennai staged their own kidnapping drama taking a cue from a movie they had seen. They did this because they did not digest the admonitions of their fathers over their erratic behavior. A twenty-three-year- old Pawan Varma from Delhi enacted a scene of kidnapping and demanded a ransom of Rs.5 lac from his father because the boy wanted to go to a picnic spot and he had no money.

 We have these disturbing trends going on for some time. Youngsters, yielding to their impulsive whims and fancies, resort to such extreme steps just to grab the attention of their parents and family members. The movies they watch, and sorts of strange and bizarre culture they are exposed to in the society convince them that they could turn their parents’ attention to them only through such extreme and abnormal means.

 Poor parents! Since they are always engaged to earn bread and butter for the family and satiate every essential need of their wards, they are left with no time to give proper attention to their children.  Pitifully, most parents find it hard to strike a balance between their work and personal lives. In fact, they don’t have chances to spend quality time with their wards who always feel an alien in their home.

 The advent of the nuclear family is always thought to be a safe haven for young couples as they have their long-felt luxury of privacy. That it has its own hazards too is known to them only after some time when their children start growing up. For, the nuclear family leaves no adequate support system for the kids. Lonely youngsters upset over the lack of parental attention and company resort to extreme actions like their own stage-managed kidnapping because they want to tell their parents that there exist a young soul at home who wish to be with his/her parents for at least some time a day and share their pains and pleasures. The education system too, with its antiquated curriculum, fails to shape the youth.


 Another reason, according to psychologists, that make children abnormal and defiant is the parents’ controlling. It is appreciable that parents always want the best for their children. Their expectation to see their kids grow as good and responsible citizens is also natural. However, in the name of controlling, some parents go overboard and cruelly punish their defiant children not knowing that it only affect their ward’s psyche. I know one of my relatives always brutally punish his 10-year-old son even for his small mistakes. He would strike the boy with anything he could lay his hands on: brooms, spoons, leather belts, and hairbrushes, et al, without knowing that such brutal punishment teaches only revenge to the boy.

 Nuclear family, parents’ controlling, bad movies and an emerging unpalatable culture in the society may be the reasons for making children defiant and delinquent. It is high time for parents and teachers to take cognizance of the malaise and find ways and means to cure them. Good communications between parents and children will always help ease bad situations since the kids have opportunities to open their minds either to the mother or the father. Parents should understand that kids, too, need their own space and can’t be forced. For their parts, kids need to be made to understand that parents are always for them.

 Gone are the days when we had ‘moral’ classes in schools where teachers taught us all the finer values and ideals of life. Since teachers were our role models then, we grew up as Good Samaritans avoiding all pitfalls of life. However, schools had since long transformed themselves from educational institutions into business concerns. They now stop with churning out children who are only academically brilliant, but morally fake.

 It is heartening to note that The Education Department in Tamil Nadu recently urged schools to pay more attention to students’ behavior and necessary corrective measures. They advised teachers not to stop with producing results, but work on strengthening the value system of the community by instilling values in students. Behavioral scientists say that the teacher is the core point. They should become the role-models for the students and integrate value education with classroom teaching.

 Will teachers or for that matter parent’s wake up to the new responsibilities imposed on them by a sudden and swift change in the behavioral patterns of students and prevent them from becoming moral bankrupts? That is really a ten million dollar question on which hinges the future of the Generation Y or Z.


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28 comments:

  1. Thanks for your visit and comments.Happy times.

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  2. Parents are the first teachers and teachers are the second parents.Both should realise their responsibility and work towards the betterment of their wards both academically and morally.
    Value education should be given prime time in schools . That could solve this problem to some extent I think.

    A good and thought provoking post.

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  3. It's thought provoking...specially for parents...whatever children do...it's a result of environment in which they grow...one can blame a parent for excessive control and than in the same way they can be sought to be the reason behind their children going erratic...when they couldn't control...

    I believe these moral classes are of less importance unless we provide a children with a civil society...(be it Nuclear or joint family) because children learn more from the people around then from the special classes they are forced to enroll...if we can provide an environment...of values...we would see it amongst the children who grow in them.

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  4. I really agree with every word and though u have plotted...dealing with the child is not at all easy step..only politeness with correct guidance will lead to child and parents together other gap increases with the age and create hole in the youngster mind when they grown....

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  5. I think in present generation there is a communication gap between the parents and children which leads them into a trouble...

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  6. Very relevant ! Parents these days have become 'fast-food' type of parents owing to lack of time.. if the child wants something, give him loads to equate for lack of time.. a child not behaving.. who has the patience to teach them with compassion and leading by example. Conform or face the music is the mantra adopted by most parents. In every child gone wrong, there is a hand of the parent behind it !

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  7. parenting in today's age is a much more challenging job . as you rightly mentioned sir, parents of the date are unable to give time to kids ..
    and its a very unfortunate fact that kids of the date grasp more of bads easily from movies and tv serials ... gone are the days when family would sit to watch Ramayana and Mahabharata and grandma would explain post watching the serial about the cons of being bad through the characters of Duryodhana and Ravana
    Very thoughtful post sir !!!

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  8. As a teacher and as a parent I spend a lot of time with young people. I still have hope.

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  9. Parenting is the toughest job ever. Wonder if anybody has perfected in this.

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  10. Well said. Parenting is a learning about thyself than teaching them right. If we are affectionate to people around us our kids will definitely be more inclined towards the good part of life :)

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  11. Your post has brought to fore very disturbing trends we see around us.Yes parenting too is skewed up because the focus is on providing all amenities to their children-even if this means absence of parents from their life.

    But teachers--they have a lot to answer for.Capital punishments resulting in death or damage,rape.blackmail---one shudders to think what all a poor mite has to go through.

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  12. There are many thought provoking ideas here and so well put.
    Its probably ends up being how the priorities have changed and how self centered we are now.
    I am not a parent and I don't have a first hand experience in this. But what I have observed over the years around me is that every time a child goes astray, it always is the parents which are to be blamed.
    I don't think we should have children if we can't commit to raise them as good people.

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  13. One more very fine article by you sir.

    Travel India

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  14. I am shocked at the kidnapping incident. It's very difficult to raise kids. You should tell your relative that what he does is not good. And Sir, moral lessons, who has time for that? I see parents in a mad race of doing activities so that they can prove their kid is smarter than others. Gone are those days when kids would listen to stories from grandparents. Even parents take pride in the fact that their kid spend more time in front of computers.

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  15. How difficult it must be to raise a child in this world. Quite an insightful read, Sir.

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  16. Well written! These days kids are more exposed to things which we barely knew at their age and accordingly we should renew our way of approach too

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  17. Yet another thought provoking article from you. Very true that Parents themselves are not in a position to teach their children as they are busy earning not just bread and butter but beyond that and hence we are seeing the result.

    Parents, Teachers and the Society has a pivotal role in moulding the Character of a child.

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  18. I did a post on a similar topic (http://titli15081977.blogspot.com/2012/03/spare-child.html) and when I spoke to fellow parents before i wrote that article, i was shocked at the smallest things that made parents hit their child!! I could find only one reason why anyone could hit a child, "we hit a child only because we know that he is too weak to hit us back"...

    this a powerful and thought provoking post and unless we wake up to the real danger of raising abused children, we will have a big society of abusers who were themselves abused as kids.

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  19. One of the best blog post about parenting I have come across in recent times. If you don't mind I would like to share this with few people on facebook..

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  20. A very well written article Arumugamji. Parenting is a tough thing. Even with Books and all kinds of Preparations, one can never be too prepared. But yes, I do believe that one thing that many people dont teach their children is to differentiate between the right from the wrong, and the good from the bad.

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  22. nice and thought provoking post.

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  23. The incidents mentioned in your post sent a shiver down my spine Sir. I agree with you , the number of mediums present these days. It is very important for parents and teachers to invest time and energy in undeerstanding the worlds of teens these days. Moral Science Classes , yes I remember having them at school. A thoughtprovoking post as always.

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